Woman Leaves Note to Warn Her Ex's Future Girlfriends About His Red Flags, Leading to the Demise of His Next Relationship

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 28, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Greetings, gals and girls. I'm sure we have all heard about the dreaded, "Hey Girl," text. It's the message sent by your partner's ex girlfriend, usually through Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Since she's not your friend or follower on social media, her DM pops up as a message request and reads, "Hey Girl," followed by some sort of warning about your boyfriend. Sometimes these messages are sincere, and other times, they have an ulterior motive - sent only to stir the pot. 

In our story today, our protagonist does not receive such a warning over social media. Instead, like some detective in a murder mystery novel, she finds a note addressed to "Steve's Future Girlfriend," detailing all of his red flags. At the time that our protagonist reads this note, her relationship with her boyfriend is going well, but she slowly starts to realize that the ex girlfriend was right as he begins displaying all of his worst qualities. Scroll down to read the full, juicy story. 

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  • 01
    r/relationship_advice u/ThrowRA-ex-note. 10h My (28f) boyfriend's (30M) ex hid a note about his cleaning/dating habits right before they broke up that I just found. How do I talk to him about cleaning habits without him feeling like I'm using his ex's words against him?
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 02
    Throwaway account because I don't want my boyfriend to find this. I posted this elsewhere but thought this subreddit could help too. I (28f) and my bf (30m) who we'll call "Steve" have been together for 2 years and have been living together for 8 months. I was cleaning our apartment when I found a note in the back of a cabinet. For context sake, I'll copy it below:
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 03
    "Dear Steve's Future Girlfriend, I know it's you reading this because he'd never clean back here. I'm putting this here because I'm leaving him soon and want to warn you about him: 1. He will not clean 2. He will not listen 3. He will make everything feel like it's your fault
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 04
    It's not your fault, he's just an incompetent man. I'm leaving him, I suggest you do the same. Best wishes, Natalia" (name changed)
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 05
    I read the note and brought it to show to him and hear his response. He immediately ripped it up and said not to listen to it, that she was crazy and untrustworthy. I told him that the fact that he hasn't found it in the 5 years since they broke up is a red flag to me because it does mean he's never cleaned back there and that he has been cleaning less and less since I moved in. He told me that it wasn't a problem before the note, this is just his ex continuing to manipulate and ruin his life an
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 06
    Steve has been a great boyfriend so far. He gets along with my family. He has given me gifts and flowers and always tells me how much he loves me. He's not wrong that the cleaning hasn't really been brought up before, the note made me realize it had been less and less and that we needed to have a full conversation. He texted me afterwards saying he's sorry that I felt like I had to leave but that it's an move for me to take a note over our 2 year relationship and to leave him and our pets alone.
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 07
    I don't know what to do or what to believe right now. I'm contemplating trying to find and reach out to Natalia, her name in real life is pretty unique so I think I could find her. Steve thinks I should come back home and let it go, that his past should effect our future. I feel like I could be the because everything Steve has said about Natalia does make it sound like she was manipulative and petty throughout their relationship, but I don't know what to trust. Edit: I realized I didn't clarify
    via u/
  • 08
    When we moved in together 8 months ago, the cleaning was 50/50. Since then, he's been doing things less and less and i'd say it's at like 70/30, maybe 60/40 if he listens to me right away (it depends on the week). I have to remind him to do things like bring his plates to the sink or take out the trash and I didn't have to before. The dishes will pile up unless I do them, to the point he's had leftover food mold on the plates. I'm not a confrontational person so I was just asking him to fix it w
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 09
    Also, I didn't leave him permanently, this all happened yesterday and I only spent one night at a friends because I didn't feel like our conversation was going anywhere last night and he wouldn't let me sleep until I let it go. I'm going back today and wanted to get advice and feedback before I do. Edit 2: I appreciate all these comments with advice. I'm heading back to our place now. My plan is to first apologize for immediately bringing him the note without thinking of his feelings and validat
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 10
    That being said, you're all right that I've been letting the cleaning stuff get away. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to ask him repeatedly to clean. It was pointed out to me that he should've cleaned the shelves during his move from his ex's place, the fact that it hasn't been touched in 5 years is forcing me to take the not seriously. I don't want to throw away 2 years so I am going to ask him to come up with some clear cleaning expectations with me and designated chores. I w
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 11
    UPDATE: Both relationship subreddits require 48 hours between updates and tbh, I don't think I'll remember/want to, i just want to put this behind me. So here it is here I followed your advice from the last post and tried to have a calm discussion with Steve. When I apologized for confronting him with the note, he seemed to take that as an admission of guilt and refused to listen to anything else. I had come up with a list of specific instances of not cleaning like many of you suggested, and he
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 12
    When I realized the conversation wasn't going anywhere, he even tried to block me from leaving. That's when I knew it was done and left immediately. 2 years down the drain, but I'm glad had the wake up call before it was too late. I will let him cool off and then will ask my brother to come with me to grab my things while he's not there, he has a strict work schedule so I think it'll work out. I am planning on leaving a note there, but probably a little longer with the advice to not show it to h
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 13
    The biggest surprise out of all of this is that I didn't reach out to Natalia, she reached out to me. Apparently he borrowed his friend's phone to call her screaming that she's ruining his life still. The fact that she blocked him and he still had her number memorized just further confirms he was the crazy ex not her. Natalia found me on social media and wanted to make sure I was okay and was especially concerned that he'd gaslight me like he tried with her. I thanked her for leaving me the note
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 14
    I wanted to thank you all again for the advice, especially the person who posted the love is respect website. I took the healthy relationship quiz after our conversation and it wasn't great. You called out how he was weaning me into an unhealthy relationship so well. For now, my friend said I can stay until I find a new place. I have emergency savings and a decent job, so I'm in a privileged place when it comes to this messy break up and am just trying to feel grateful for that 1,116 148 D
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 15
    Mobius_Stripping ⚫ 10h • he wouldn't let me sleep until I let it go so i guess natalia forgot #4 - he's a bully. it's almost ironic how easy it would have been for him to shut this entire thing down with the simplest of responses, "hmm, you're right, i guess i have been slipping, i'll make sure to clean more." that immediately then counters points 2 & 3.
    via u/Mobius_Stripping
  • 16
    but he'd rather be right, and he'd rather be the aggrieved party. you didn't do anything wrong by trying to have a conversation off the back of that note, all things considered it's a pretty funny thing to find, and his reaction should tell you everything. Reply 566
    via u/Mobius_Stripping
  • 17
    Extension Drummer_85 • 10h Ok so here is a list of red flags: -called his ex crazy (she might be but most people aren't) has been slowly reducing his cleaning (to the point where he won't even put plates in the sink!) just like the note said -never cleaning in the hiding spot once in five years (just like the note said) -when you tried to talk about it he didn't listen to you (just like the note said) -proceeded to make this fight your fault for taking the note seriously instead of acknowledging
    via u/Extension Drummer_85
  • 18
    I'd be willing to bet money on the note being right. He sounds like the kind of man that will stop doing anything at all the second he's decided a woman is fully trapped. The slow tapering off you're witnessing is him testing the waters, he needs to figure out whether he just needs to waste enough of your time to get to that stage or whether you need a ring or a baby to feel trapped. Reply 273
    via u/Extension Drummer_85
  • 19
    anitarielleliphe⚫ 10h So, what is your experience with #2 and #3 of Natalia's note? Did you see some truth in her words there with your own past experiences with Steve? Reply 134
    via u/anitarielleliphe
  • 20
    ThrowRA-ex-note OP. 10h He does listen to me I think, like when he gets me flowers, he knows my favorite. We have some hobbies in common and love to talk about them. I feel like the most he's not listened is in this situation because he refused to get past the fact that I'm "listening to his ex over him". That being said, since we moved in together I do feel like he's putting in less effort when it comes to starting conversations or initiating quality time To #3, this is hard for me to answer. I
    via u/ThrowRA-ex-note
  • 21
    jesuschin⚫ 6h Anyone who lets mold grow on plates deserves to be single. I'm surprised you lasted this long Reply Ŵ 50
    via u/jesuschin
  • 22
    Von Boo 10h • Well he's not cleaning, he's not listening to you and he's making the whole thing out to be your fault "for trusting a note over him." So, the ex seems pretty on the money here. Doesn't seem like he's open to any conversation about his poor housekeeping and, personally, I don't think you'll ever be able to talk to him about it now without this note coming up. Ultimately, it's upto you to decide weither this is something you can tolerate or not. Seems he learned nothing from his las
    via u/VonBoo
  • 23
    bippityboppitynope • 8h He literally did everything she warned you about. Reply 50
    via u/bippityboppitynope
  • 24
    Responsible-Stick-50 • 6h Glad he only tried to block you and not more. That could have been dangerous. Tell Natalia we said hi and she's solid! ← ☑ Reply 25
    via u/Responsible-Stick-50
  • 25
    Equal-Brilliant2640 • 8h "Don't expect to change a man unless he's in diapers" This behaviour will continue on, he's gotten away with it before up to a certain point He wants a bang-maid. Someone to pickup after him like his mommy
    via u/Equal-Brilliant2640
  • 26
    And yes, he's a bully and any time a guy says "my ex is/was crazy" is a MASSIVE red flag right there. It's something guys have been saying since the dawn of time to belittle their former partners. He'll say the same thing about you to his next girlfriend You have to ask your self "was she crazy, or did he drive her crazy with his behaviour and laziness?" I'd leave your own note when you do finally dump him. And reach out to his ex, see what she has to say
    via u/Equal-Brilliant2640
  • 27
    Sad-Imagination-4870 • 6h Girls looking out for other girls is top tier for me. I'm so glad you figured this out before anymore time is wasted. I would be buying the ex her coffee whenever yall meet up. Good luck with your fresh start! ← Reply Ŵ 24 ♡
    via u/Sad-Imagination-4870

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boyfriend drama toxic ex girlfriend Female Empowerment romance reddit story relationships girlfriend couples exes love breakup reddit thread red flag Reddit dating
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